


The Whole Planet To Ourselves

by the_technicolor_whiscash



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Genre: Fire, If I spelled golgafrinchen wrong it's because it's hard to spell, Implied Sexual Actions, Kissing, M/M, Professions of love, but that's only at the end, sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 06:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12029649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_technicolor_whiscash/pseuds/the_technicolor_whiscash
Summary: Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent are stuck on Earth, two million years in the past. They must come to terms with who they are to each other.





	The Whole Planet To Ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> Based at the end of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Arthur Dent lay on the soft grass, his arms behind his head, staring off at the sky. It was a lovely day, with only a few wispy clouds in the sky to add some variety. And though his life had essentially fallen apart, not a thought about that was going through his mind. He was fairly content with the day. 

“Hey, Arthur?” Ford suddenly said from beside him. 

“Yeah, Ford?”

“I’m sorry I got you caught up all in this. I mean, admittedly, most of it is Zaphod’s fault, but I figured I should still apologize.”

“Why, it's no big deal. I'm quite glad you managed to save me from the earth being destroyed by those damn Vogons. And I did end up back on earth, though far before I expected.”

“You know, life in space isn't always like this. There's action, sure, and risking your life, but most people just get a nine to five job and never bother seeing the Galaxy.” 

“Not too much different from earth, then.”

“Well… at its most basic fundamentals, yes. It is kind of like earth, only on a larger scale.”

They lapsed into silence. After a moment, Arthur sighed. “We really have gotten ourselves up a creek, haven’t we?”

“It does seem like it.”

“I’m glad you're with me. You always seem to know what to do.”

“Most of the time I'm just very good at bullshitting it until I get somewhere.” He chuckled. “But I am glad to be with you too. Frankly, I think if I left you alone, you'd get yourself killed.”

“Why, I could probably… no, you're right, I would die.”

“Self-esteem. That's your problem. You don't have any.”

“I have plenty of self esteem!” He paused, thinking. “Alright, fine, I see your point. But what's that got to do with anything!”

“First thing you've gotta have when you're surviving on an alien world is self esteem. Well, that and a towel.” 

“But this isn't an alien world. It's still earth.”

“Earth two million years in the past.”

“But it is still technically the same planet.”

Ford sighed. “Fine. Yes, it is still the same planet. But it's different. Wild. Untamed. Filled with a bunch of idiot telephone sanitizers and hairdressers.”

“They really are infuriating.” 

“Oh, I can't stand them. But we are unfortunately going to have to deal with them until we can figure out a way out of here.”

“What do you suppose happened to Zaphod and Trillian?”

“Who knows. They were probably spit out onto a passing ship, or a distant planet. There's a distinct chance that we’ll never see them again.”

“Ah. That's a shame.”

Ford frowned. “Zaphod was always a dick to you. I thought you'd be glad to be rid of him?”

“I said it was a shame, I never said I wasn't glad to be rid of him. Besides, it's Trillian who I'll really miss.”

“Mm. She was always the brains of the operation. Do you still fancy her?”

Arthur paused. He hadn't really thought about anything like that in a while. “Not anymore. What will all that's been happening, I haven't had much time to focus on who I've been fancying.”

“Right. That’s understandable.”

“Why’d you want to know?” 

“Just general curiosity.”

They fell into silence again. This time, Arthur’s mind was reeling. What if they never got off this planet? What if Zaphod and Trillian were dead? Would he and Ford end up dead too? Would it be weird to die two million years before he was born? Was thinking about this going to give him a headache?

The answer to his last question was yes, and by now he had a very apparent tension headache. He moved one of his arms over his eyes, the darkness providing a pleasant respite. 

Eventually, Arthur spoke again. “We’re going to be here forever, aren't we?”

“Possibly.”

Arthur sighed. “Damn.” 

“There are worse places to be stuck forever. We could be stuck on the volcano planet of Mustafar. Now that would suck.”

“I suppose you have a point.”

“Besides, at least we have each other.” 

Arthur uncovered his eyes and looked at Ford. The other man was still staring at the sky, a faraway look in his eyes. “I suppose we do.”

“You’re a good man, Arthur. You’ll make do.”

It wasn't until he awoke that Arthur realized that he had fallen asleep. The sky was beginning to dip into twilight, and someone (he assumed Ford) had thrown a coat over him. He wrapped the coat around his shoulders, snuggled deeper into the grass, and then noticed a large bug crawling right near his nose. He decided to get up. He had no idea where Ford had gone off to, so he headed towards the camp of the Golgafrinchans, thought it was less a camp, more a place where they would all sleep on the ground together. 

As he approached the camp, he could tell that something was wrong. There was smoke rising from more places than there usually was, and he could hear the faint sound of screaming. Upon reaching the clearing, he found that the place was utter chaos. People were running in circles screaming, trees and the basic tents in which some had been living in were now on fire, and the Golgafrinchan captain was still in the bath. 

Arthur ran up to the captain. “The whole place is on fire!”

“Oh, you noticed that too? I had hoped it was just a mirage or something.”

“We have to help your people! Even if they are painfully irritating.”

“I’m sure they’ll be able to sort things out for themselves.”

Arthur groaned. “You people really are the worst, you know that?”

“So you keep telling me.”

Arthur knew he had to do something. He grabbed one of the buckets which the captain’s guards used to fill the bath with water, ran to a stream, filled it, and put out very little of the total fire. Seeing as this was futile, he decided to try to warn the people who were in tents that hadn't caught fire yet that everything was on fire and that they should leave. 

“Excuse me!” Arthur said, popping his head into a tent. “You had better get out, unless you want to burn within your tent.”

“Who do you think you are?” The man inside the tent yelled. “Get out!”

“But you're going to die!”

“Well then so be it!”

Arthur left the tent. Evidently the Golgafrinchans were not going to accept any help. That might have bothered him if they weren't such terrible people. He turned around and walked back out of the clearing, back into the grassy glen in which he had been before. He laid back on the ground, pulled Ford’s coat over him, and fell asleep. 

\---------------

“Arthur. Arthur!” 

Arthur awoke to the sound of Ford yelling his name and shaking him. “Ford? What’s happening? Have I slept through something?”

“The Golgafrinchans camp was burning down, and I couldn't find you, and I… I got worried. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He muttered. He blinked, clearing his eyes, before looking at Ford. 

Ford looked like a wreck. His hair was singed, soot was all over his face, and his breathing was heavy. 

“Ford, are you alright? What happened?”

“I couldn't… it's nothing.” He sat down heavily on the ground and rubbed his hands over his face, smearing the soot everywhere. “You’re a handful, you know that?”

“My god, Ford. You didn't really think…?”

“I figured you had probably woken up and gone to the Golgafrinchans’ camp, but when I got there everything was already on fire. I must admit that I had feared the worst.” He laughed a pained laugh. “I must be mad.”

Arthur was stunned. “Ford, I… well, I’m terribly flattered. I've caused you quite a lot of trouble, haven’t I?” 

“Trust me, I've been around. Whatever you've caused is nothing compared to some of the things I've been through.” 

“Oh. You are alright, though?”

“Of course. I appreciate the concern.”

Arthur surveyed Ford for a moment, before laying back on the grass. The sky was dark, and the stars spread across it, glittering brilliantly. Eventually Ford laid beside him, sighing. 

“The stars are quite lovely from this angle.” Arthur muttered. “I think that’s the Big Dipper.”

“Mm. Quite.” He paused, clearly with something on his mind. “You know, Arthur…”

“What is it?”

“Er… nothing. It doesn't matter.” 

Arthur turned to look at Ford. “Ford, tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Ishdhdhdj.” Ford muttered in reply. 

“Oh come on, man. Spit it out.” 

“Ishdhjsbdkd.”

“For god’s sake.”

“I love you!” Ford exclaimed. “I love you, damn it.” 

“Right. And I’m Queen Elizabeth the First.” 

“Arthur, I’m not joking.” 

Arthur felt his stomach jump oddly. “Why, Ford, I… I had no idea.”

“I've been quite quiet about it. But I've found that I can no longer avoid it.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I’m not exactly desirable.” 

“Sure you are. You’re cute, and a fun person to be around. Sure, you have no idea how to deal with interstellar travel, but that doesn't really matter.”

“You really do think I’m cute?”

“Would I be telling you all this if I didn't?” Ford sighed. “Please, Arthur. It's taken me a lot to be able to tell you this.”

Arthur felt himself going pink. This was not how he had expected this day to go. But he wasn't necessarily unhappy with it. In fact, he found himself pleasantly surprised, if not a little bit turned on. 

Ford, however, seemed slightly distraught at Arthur’s reception of his confession. “Arthur, if you’re uncomfortable with this, I can… I'll leave.” 

Ford sat up, but Arthur grabbed his arm. “No, wait. I just needed a moment to process. Don't leave.”

“If you don't feel the same, don't feel like you have to humor me.”

“Ford, you know I wouldn't do that. I just… I don't know. It's been so long since I've been romantically involved with someone, and we’re stuck in a nasty situation here, and I… I fear I wouldn't be that good of a lover. I've not had much experience. Well, not as much as I'd like.” 

“I don't care about any of that. We can figure it out as we go along. But do you… you know…”

“Yes. I do like you. How could I not?” Arthur sat up to meet Ford’s eyes. He took Ford’s hand and ran his thumb over the other man’s knuckles. “I’m just not quite used to someone else telling me that they liked me first. Usually it's just me telling the other person I like them, and then they either laugh or punch me.”

“If I may ask, what did Trillian do when you had met her at that party?”

“Oh, she laughed. She’s not the violent type, exactly.”

“Ah. That's what I suspected.” 

“So, uh, what do we do now?”

Ford paused. “I’m not sure. I didn't expect to get this far.”

“Well, then, perhaps we should do something like this.” He pressed a quick and gentle kiss against Ford’s lips. He was very clearly holding back, not wanting to infringe on Ford’s comfort zone. 

Ford smiled. “Yes, I suppose, but perhaps more like this.” Ford returned the kiss in full force, his lips parting against Arthur’s, and Arthur had to focus to avoid being pushed to the ground. This time, the kiss was fierce and passionate, the result of pent-up tension between the two. Ford ran his fingers through Arthur’s hair, sending chills down his spine. 

When they pulled apart for air, Arthur pressed his forehead against Ford’s, breathing heavily. 

“Well.” He said. “Definitely like that.”

“Agreed.” 

For a moment, they were silent, merely enjoying the aftermath of their kiss. Then, Ford spoke. “You know, we have most of the planet to ourselves.”

“Mm.”

“And the Vogons aren't coming for two million years.”

“Yes? What are you suggesting?”

“That we could perhaps do something a little more than kissing. You know, to pass the time.”

“Ah. To pass the time.”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Do you want to?”

“Absolutely.”

**Author's Note:**

> I loved the book but then I went on and listened to the radio show and honestly if it didn't change my life  
> Also I'm new to this fandom can someone tell me why there's so many Arthur/khan fics because for the life of me I cannot understand it (no offense to Star Trek, I love Star Trek, but Why)


End file.
